Things I Would Do In The Last 10 Seconds Before The World Ended
1) I’d make sure I wasn’t hiding somewhere. Hiding somewhere and somehow flukily surviving the apocalypse would be just my luck. It’d be a nightmare: would you really want to be the last person on Earth? If you’ve seen I Am Legend then you will know the answer is most definitely NO.
2) I’d make sure I got rid of anything embarrassing I owned. I’d also wipe the history on my computer. I would not want the new race of the future to stumble across my teddy bear – still tucked up in bed next to my blackened corpse – or discover that the morning of the apocalypse I was surfing the web and looking at really dorky pyjamas that I used to wear aged 12 and really missed (Spiderman ones if you must know).
3) I’d eat a bagel. I’d want that to be the last thing I ever ate.
4) I’d run down a street naked. If not now, when?
5) I’d chuck a TV through a window. That’s obvious, though.
6) I’d have to be really fast to do all of the above in 10 seconds, but still…
7) I’d look at my really old photo of Linda Lusardi (right spelling? I should know, I’ve seen her in a bikini an awful lot and at the bottom it says her name in massive letters) and go “ah, Linda, it was nice knowing you”.
I’d scream something like “ ostello Barcellona “ with my hands held high, in the same pose as what Jack and what’s-her-face do in Titanic when they’re at the front of the boat.
9) That’s about it.
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